call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
