So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize