I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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