yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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