I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize