then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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