he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
