Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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