she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
