I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize