How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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