Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
