No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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