Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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