She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize