you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
