Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
