Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
