My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
