There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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