oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
