whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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