so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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