Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
