I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
this boner is exhausting
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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