Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
