fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I need water and some morals
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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