So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
