Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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