i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
