sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
