Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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