So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
