4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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