When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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