She is in my trunk
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
