Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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