so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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