He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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