I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
