tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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