I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
