next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
