Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
