Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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