I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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