Define "chronic" masturbator.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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