Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
