im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
