I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
