I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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