so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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