$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Even the bartender felt bad for me
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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