dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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