There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
