also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
