and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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