We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
