he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
