you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
