I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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