they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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