Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
