I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
