Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize