Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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