just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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