it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
