I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
