one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize