I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
