wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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