she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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