No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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