Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize