if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
