Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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