I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
