is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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