my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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