Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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