Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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