how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
