Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
