all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
