Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
