Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
