and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
