You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
