we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
