I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize