Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
