I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
