I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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