I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
