Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
