i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
