Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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