I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
