God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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