I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize