Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
