Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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