Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
