Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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