i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize