So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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