I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
