eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
