from now on my penis is your penis
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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