I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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