I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
