My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize